There are a lot of things right now that have me feeling disconnected. I feel disconnected from family, friends, from the world at large. This has been the case for a while now, due on my end to poorly implemented barriers and my madcap mental health, which makes being a person tricky. But it’s gotten even more pronounced since I have become unable to use my wheelchair and am currently dependent on an older chair that’s almost impossible to transport. A lot of my time *read all of my time* is spent at home scrolling through the internet and trying to marshal my executive dysfunction into allowing me to complete the necessary tasks related to being a human.
Despite my time spent on the internet being extensive, my following is nearly nonexistent as a whole. It is so small that I don’t even encounter the average amount of internet trolls everyone else seems to. But because my experience on the internet is so uncharacteristically enjoyable I have to wonder if I’m having any kind of impact at all. Though, I suppose kindness can be just as effective a metric. And if that’s the case I’m a rousing success.
Still, I’m finding it hard to accurately gauge the kind of reach I have or what my overall impact is. While yes all of my social media presence, and even to a large extent my blog, are for me and me alone, they are seen and consumed, enjoyed even, by others. My question is how much. The general tone of any interactions I have online is positive. But that doesn’t tell me what, if anything people get out of my presence online.
My point is this: I put a lot of who I am online, especially in my blog but in other places to. I do that for several reasons. One is for myself, so I have a place to put my thoughts and feelings. But another is that I have experiences and knowledge I want to share. I’ve done things, gone through things, similar to what other people are experiencing right now. If what I have to say helps in some way, I’m more than willing to pass along some wisdom. Even if they can’t make use of it, at least maybe they’ll know they’re not alone.
My following, small as it is, lifts me up and keeps me going. They’re my lifeline a lot of the time, whether they know it or not, and I’m grateful. I can only hope I’m as much good to them as they’ve been for me. I fully intend to try to be.