This is undoubtedly a trivial, probably pointless thing to bring up, especially in the midst of *gestures broadly at the last year*, but I’ve yet to shake this feeling so I’m going to talk about it. There is a strange relief that comes with knowing it’s the weekend, or even the end of the traditional 9-5 work day. I say strange because as an unemployed person those things don’t matter to me the same way they do to a person with a job. I barely know what day of the week it is, let alone the time, because in general it doesn’t matter as much. I’m not held to a schedule, my days aren’t dictated by tasks set by someone else. Still there’s a relief in realizing it’s a Saturday evening.
It took me a while but I finally understood where that relief comes from. For that brief period of time I’m released from thinking and worrying about the next appointment I have to set up or phone call I have to make to a government agency. I don’t have to play middle man between service providers and insurance. I’m also momentarily absolved from the guilt of not completing these tasks. Maybe I forgot, was asleep, not feeling well etc., after business hours and on weekends there’s no point in agonizing. All I can do is try again.
Granted in the age of Covid there’s been much less of this. Things have naturally slowed down or been paused entirely. So rather than periods of constant busy-ness there are spurts of things that need done. I’ve found this easier to handle as well.
To be honest I’ve come to realize, even before quarantining and social distancing, I feel so much more at peace intentionally creating time and space for myself to just be. I place a much greater importance on respecting what my body and mind need to restore themselves. That’s meant setting boundaries, sometimes incorrectly, and removing myself from spaces that take more than they give. It’s far from perfect in practice, and has led to a lot more separation from people than I intended.
But it’s led to me doing important work on myself that I’m hopeful will mean stronger relationships with those close to me. But all that’s for another time, because right now, it’s the weekend.